I Think I'm Ready (2015)
by jessiestar
Summary: I posted this story about 5 years ago. I have recently decided to revamp it. Spencer, Ashley and Aiden were the best of friends since childhood until feelings got in the way and drove them apart. Ashley is back to right her wrongs.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Spencer was used to getting up late, in fact it had become a new habit since she had started college, which was mostly due to the fact that she rarely went to bed before 4 am and if she did it was never to sleep. But now she was back in her little home town for the summer she had either had the choice of been woken by her seemingly non offensive alarm clock or by the overly annoying noise that insisted on coming out of her Mother's mouth.

Spencer loved her parents but she just couldn't get used to living with them again and the idea of spending the next 3 months at home was terrifying but necessary. She had managed to land an apprenticeship working with a local photographer for the summer; this is why she was now stuck in Youngtown, Ohio during her break from college

The only other saving grace was her best friend Aiden, he was back from college too and was happy to help Spencer waste away her summer. They had been friends since kindergarten so the summers were a great opportunity for a catch up and reckless abandon; which was currently what Spencer did best.

Spencer's family home seemed empty and peaceful as her parents had left to run errands a few hours ago, which meant that she could sneak out the back of the house for a cigarette. Smoking was one of the many bad habits that Spencer had picked while at college and as bad ass as she considered herself to be she certainly plan on revealing one of new habits to her parents.

As Spencer sat in the old tree that was down the side of her family home she lazily watched the street she had grown up on, wondering if anything interesting ever happened or if they saved all the excitement for when she was away at college. She wondered whether Mrs Peterson really did steal people's amazon deliveries or whether the old lady further down the street actually did jail time. Of course these were all wild stories that spread around the neighbourhood from child to child when she was younger so in her grown up mind she knew none of them were true. Spencer's ponderings were interrupted when she spotted a very familiar car drive by. The flash of shiny, black, metallic paint nearly caused Spencer fall from the branch she was currently perched on. She tried to focus on who was driving the car but the sun bounced off the windscreen obscuring her view. Luckily she managed to keep her balance and also managed to spot her parents pulling into the drive which prompted her to very abruptly dispose of the cigarette in a can she had hidden in a hole in the tree.

"Hey Spence" Mr Carlin yelled from behind the giant SUV obviously unloading shopping. Spencer dropped down from the tree in the same way she had done since she was a small child.

"Hey Dad do you need a hand?" Spencer asked back as she made her way over slowly hoping that the wind would blow any essence of cigarette smell off her. Her Dad was a relaxed guy but he hated smoking more than most things.

"Thanks honey can you just grab those two bags?" Arthur asked pointing with his chin as he struggled with the load in his arms. Spencer did as instructed following her Dad through the house into the kitchen dropping the bags on the side.

"Hey Mom" Spencer said spotting her Mother amongst the shopping. Her messy blonde hair was tied up and she had her hospital scrubs on as usual.

"Oh Hi Honey...thank you for helping. Are you about tonight?" Paula asked without looking up from her organising.

"No I doubt it...think I might go to Gray and catch up with some friends. I think Aiden's back from school today" Spencer actually hadn't made plans yet but she knew that this amount of food only meant one thing…..dinner party and that sounded like hell on earth to Spencer.

"Oh Aiden's a lovely boy. You know Spence if he's still single you two should get together" Paula knew this would never happen and Arthur knew that a war of words was about to begin.

"Yea if only he didn't have a penis" Spencer dead panned as she grabbed an apple from the pile of fruit on the work bench.

"Spencer Carlin you cannot use such a word in my house" Paula snapped.

"Oh God...Mother you are an adult and a doctor, so you should be fully aware that penis is the biological name for the male genitals. Also I am a lesbian which Aiden is not, in fact Aiden is a boy, a boy who like myself is sexually attracted to girls. Neither of us will be changing anytime soon so please drop it" Spencer tried to remain calm and remembered that this would be the only discussion they would have to have on the topic for at least another month.

"I was just saying he's a nice guy and that you two are cute together" Paula added sounding like a scorned child.

"Yes but we were both also in love with the same girl who had no interest in either of us so obviously not that cute or perfect" Spencer snapped not wanting to think about what happened at the end of her senior year.

"I'm sorry Spence...It just takes some getting used to Honey" Paula gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead and a quick hug. Spencer accepted the apology as she knew that her mother was still getting around the whole gay even though Spencer had come out nearly 3 years ago, just after prom.

"Anyway I'm going to get changed. Have fun tonight guys" Spencer couldn't help but laugh as she saw her Father's expression. The last thing Arthur Carlin wanted to do on a Saturday night was spend it with a bunch of stuck up Doctors.

After a quick shower Spencer threw on some clothes and making sure she looked good she grabbed her car keys and headed out. She climbed into her whit, soft top mini cooper; which was a graduation gift from her old brother Glen. He had done pretty well playing basketball since graduating from college and he needed a reason to show off, not that Spencer minded. She climbed into her car bringing the top down and pulled straight off the drive. Once she was at a safe distance from her parent's house she lit another cigarette feeling anxious after the little run in with her mother and also the mistaken identity of the Porsche.

Seeing the Porsche had tempted Spencer to take a little detour before heading over to Aiden's house. She drove down the familiar street which she had spent most of her child hood playing on, she stopped outside the house with the long drive way, which led to the corner house and as if time had been turned back a few years Spencer saw the Black Porsche Carrera. The site of the familiar car was enough to make her turn around quicker than she had arrived.

Spencer didn't slow down until she got to the safety of Aiden's front drive. Jumping out of the car she made a beeline for the Dennison's front door. Spencer had spent so much time around Aiden's while growing up she didn't even bother knocking the front door, she just headed straight through to the back yard hoping that Aiden would be about. As predicted there was Aiden sat by the pool listening to music and working on his tan. Spencer sat down next to him on his sun chair waiting for him to register that she was there.

"Hey Spence" Aiden finally said without moving.

"Guess what?"

"What happened?" Aiden replied, sitting up and removing his sunglasses.

"She's back..."Spencer said simply, figuring that Aiden would know who she was talking about immediately.

"Ashley?" Aiden queried with a sigh. He knew that this day would come but did it really need to happen the first day of summer vacation.

"I spotted her car driving past my place earlier"

"Spence that could've been anyone's car" Aiden tried to rationalise knowing that Spencer could sometimes over react to situations especially those involving Ashley.

"I went to house Aiden….there it was just sat on the drive way like it had never left all those years ago" Spencer explained further.

"Spence that still doesn't mean that she's back"

"Yea you're right why don't you go there and knock on the door" Spencer snapped frustrated that Aiden didn't seem as bothered as she was. After everything that went down Spencer always thought he would handle Ashley's return way worse.

"She had to come back at some point"

"No she didn't"

"Spence her Mom still lives here of course she was going to visit at some point"

"Why are you so calm?"

"Because I've moved on Spence and you have too. It was really hard for me but I've met a few girls' and I'm having fun" Aiden offered a kind, reassuring smile to his friend as he explained himself. Yes, seeing Ashley again terrified him as he never wanted to feel that way again but he knew that there was no way that he and Spencer could avoid this moment forever. Plus he was in a good place now, going to college had helped move on and even though the memories are still there, they hurt a little less all the time. However, he knew that Spencer was still massively affected by the events of 3 years ago. Not that he was dumb enough to say that to her face right now.

"Aiden we hurt you so much back then" Spencer sighed diverting her blue eyes to the ground like a guilty child.

"I've moved on Spence, I've forgiven you and I am not buying into this pity party. You need pull yourself together because we are going out tonight Carlin" Aiden stood up pulling Spencer to her feet as well. He gently placed a kiss on the top of Spencer's hear hoping the small gesture will reassure her which it did.

 ** _Flash back: 3 years just a normal Saturday night_**

 _"Come on Ash are you ready?" Spencer yelled down the long hall way of the Davie's mansion. Aiden was supposed to be picking them up in 5 minutes and Spencer was pretty sure that Ashley was nowhere near ready, especially if past experience was anything to go by. Opening the door Ashley finally appeared wearing skinny fit jeans, a band t-shirt and her brown and red hair was perfectly messy with loose curls framing her face. Spencer swallowed her breathe as he took in the sight of her best friend. Ashley smiled her perfect smile as she noticed Spencer's reaction and knew that she would get the same reaction from her boyfriend._

 _"You look great Ash.." Spencer finally managed, feeling her cheeks turn red. This had been happening a lot recently whenever she looked at her best friend. Of course she had originally put the blushing, sweaty palms and general weirdness down to hormones at the beginning, but there was a whole new collection of weird feelings being felt every day._

 _"So do you Spence...we should...probably….erm" Ashley was stuttering, which was something that Spencer knew she only did when she was extremely nervous. This gave Spencer hope that she may not be alone with all the new feelings but she knew the reality of the situation she was in._

 _"We should go...Aiden will be waiting for us" Spencer said suddenly remembering that the girl that gave her butterflies wasn't just her best friend of over 10 years but she was also her other best friends girlfriend._

 _Spencer, Aiden and Ashley have been best friends since they were 4 years old but last year Ashley and Aiden became a couple. This was when Spencer started to feel weird around Ashley. When Ashley and Aiden would kiss, she would feel jealous. When guys tried to chat to her she was completely uninterested. She started to notice little things about Ashley that made her stomach flip over and over again. Like when Ashley would stand ridiculously close to her, like she was currently doing._

 _"Spencer?" Ashley whispered as the two girls stood inches from each other. Spencer looked up her eyes meeting Ashley's. Her best friend had the most beautiful chocolate eyes with golden flecks. Spencer had never noticed the golden flecks before and now that was all she ever saw when they stood this close. The only difference this time was Ashley was looking at her a completely different way. Ashley had only looked at her in this way once and it involved flour but this was happening now and Spencer was frozen._

 _"Yea?" Spencer replied apprehensively knowing that this moment would end any second and she was right. Ashley had taken a step back and the golden flecks had gone._

 _"I think I might go all the way with Aiden tonight" Ashley's words cut through Spencer like a knife. Seeing Aiden kiss Ashley was soul destroying but the thought of them having sex actually made Spencer breathless and irrationally mad._

 _"Good for you..." Spencer replied finally turning away and heading down the hallway, needing to leave the moment behind._

 _Ashley quickly caught up with her grabbing the blonde's wrist and stopping her in her tracks. Spencer spun around with a look of pure anger on her face, an expression that Ashley rarely saw._

 _"I didn't mean that" Ashley admitted looking more flustered and confused than Spencer could ever recall._

 _"Well you've been dating now for like a year now, so it wasn't really a surprise Ash" Spencer replied trying to hide some of the venom in her voice, knowing that she had failed miserably when Ashley looked visibly hurt by her response._

 _"What does it even matter to you anyway?" Ashley snapped back in frustration, not knowing how to deal with what was happening any more then Spencer did. She would be blind to not realise just how beautiful Spencer Carlin was, any idiot could see that. What confused her was why she was noticing how beautiful her friend was, especially as she had the perfect boyfriend. Aiden was handsome, kind, thoughtful and he genuinely loved her but there was something distracting Ashley and that something, or someone was Spencer Carlin._

 _"It doesn't matter to me, in fact I couldn't care less if I tried. Actually new rule to our 'friendship' you have no obligations to tell me about what you and Aiden get up to in biblical way or otherwise" Spencer stopped herself from yelling but her words were far from hushed. This time she didn't walk off she waited for Ashley's response._

 _"Spence I don't know what's going on here" Ashley confessed in an almost broken voice._

 _"Nothing is going on here Ashley...look I'm going to go home so you guys can have fun. I'm not in the mood tonight" Spencer needed to get away, she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe, like there was literally no air in this giant mansion she was in._

 _"But I want you to come out" Ashley shouted as she followed after her. She knew exactly why Spencer was so upset but her own confusion and feelings were stopping from being considerate of others._

 _"Ashley we're not kids anymore...you and Aiden need to be an actual couple rather than a part of some weird threesome. It's time to grow up and move on" Spencer argued as she faced Ashley again. She could see that Ashley looked conflicted by what was happening._

 _"What if I don't want to move on?" Ashley barely let the words leave her mouth but her eyes gave her away again because the golden flecks were back and Spencer felt her stomach flip again._

 _"You need to figure it Ashley...Aiden loves you and...and...you need to be careful not to hurt him" Spencer knew somebody was going to get hurt, she just assumed it would be her which is why she cut her sentence short._

 _"What about you?" Ashley asked knowing that there should've been more to Spencer's sentence._

 _"I'm just everybody's friend Ash and I'm ok with that" Spencer returned throwing her arms up in the air in frustration as she watched Ashley walk closer to her._

 _"I don't think I am" Ashley replied kissing Spencer causing a shock to run through both girls' bodies. The stomach flips were so intense that Spencer thought she would pass out there and then. Spencer had kissed guys before but none of the compared to this kiss, in this moment. Her whole body felt like it was on fire and in all the madness Spencer realised how real, how natural it felt to her. She never wanted this to end; it was the most intense, insane moment of her life._

 _"_ _Come on you two" The booming voice of Aiden came slamming down the hall way, pulling them both from the moment._

 _Ashley immediately shot apart from Spencer, avoiding eye contact as she headed down the hall way. Spencer took a second to catch her breath and to make sure she didn't cry. Spencer knew that Ashley automatically regretted what had just happened and knew now that she needed to leave. She quickly followed Ashley down the stairs just in time to see her jump into Aiden's clumsy arms where there shared a kiss. Spencer felt sick at a sight she had seen a thousand times before but this time it was worse. Those lips were just hers for a few seconds and now there were gone. Spencer felt her eyes stinging and she noticed how body felt so cold all of a sudden._

 _"Hey Aid...guys I'm going head home. I don't feel good and you know" Spencer walked past the blissful couple and headed straight to her car before anybody could try to convince her otherwise. Sitting in her beat up, hand me down Cadillac Spencer let out a huge sigh and almost let the tears fall._

 _"You ok?" Aiden asked as he tapped on the window of the car. Spencer was no longer focused on the loss of Ashley's lips; she was now focused on the fact that she had betrayed her best friend._

 _"I'll be fine...just suddenly felt sick. You two go out and have fun without me...please" Spence replied trying not to worry the boy that had chased away bullies at the park when they were 7. The boy that she loved so dearly and sometimes wished that she loved in the same way that the other girls' her age loved handsome boys. Spencer looked past Aiden to see Ashley stood silently at the door avoiding eye contact. Spencer smiled at Aiden and started the engine before speeding off down the drive._

Spencer's memories were interrupted by Aiden throwing a pillow at her head dragging her straight back to reality.

"Where were you then?" Aiden questioned as he continued to check out his reflection in the mirror.

"I may have died waiting for you to actually get ready! You're a bigger girl than me Aiden" Spencer joked as she grabbed her jacket, leading the way out of the house to her car, closely followed by Aiden.

Spencer drove them to Gray and hoped that there would be somebody who would be nice enough to drive her back there tomorrow to get car back. She pulled up in her usual space and rolled her eyes as she noticed the queue to get in. This wasn't exactly a surprise considering this was the only night club within a 20 mile radius. She also wasn't too concerned about gaining entry considering her brief but successful relationship with the now owner of the bar.

"Hey Eddie...how's everything?" Spencer asked sweetly as she sent a little cheeky waive to the queuing masses. Eddie rolled his eyes at Spencer's blatant mocking of the people queuing as he opened the door for the two regulars.

Spencer weaved her way through the crowds expertly with Aiden in tow, knowing that at this moment in time they were both probably checking out the same girls. Spencer made it to the bar but as she saw who the bar maid she stopped in her tracks

"Have you forgotten how to walk?" Aiden yelled above the loud music.

"I had a thing with the barmaid the other night" Spencer explained with a shy smile. Aiden shook his head, signalled for Spencer to grab a table outside and then he headed over to the bar.

A few minutes later he triumphantly returned with some beers and shots. He laid the tray down in front of Spencer who immediately grabbed a shot of tequila, downing it like a pro.

"You need to stop sleeping with the staff here Spencer" Aiden warned as he sipped his beer.

"You need talk" Spencer jabbed back with a smirk as she took a swig of her corona.

"Okay okay, point taken"

"Whore's for life" Spencer joked as she went to grab her cigarettes from her hand bag. As she was lighting her cigarette her eyes focused on someone she didn't want to see. Across the garden, sat talking with Chelsea was Ashley Davies. Spencer swallowed hard while she tried to remember to breathe. Then their eyes met and at that point Spencer just froze. She could hear Aiden telling her some story about something, she could hear the music from the DJ but it all sounded distant to her. All that mattered is what she could see and who she could see. The bile in her throat began to rise and so did the memories.

 ** _Flashback:_**

 _Spencer lay in bed going over what had happened earlier that night and she wasn't too sure whether she regretted it or whether it was the greatest thing to happen to her. Spencer had been trying her best to get to sleep but she couldn't get rid of the images that were swirling around her head. The flashbacks of what had gone down only a few hours ago in vivid, bright colours that accentuate every ounce of pain she was currently feeling. Spencer wished that she could just squash her feelings for Ashley and that she could love somebody else, somebody who would feel the same way back, and somebody who wasn't in a relationship with her best friend._

 _Spencer's thoughts were imposed upon by tapping on her bedroom window and it wouldn't go away no matter how hard Spencer closed her eyes or tried to ignore it. Spencer stumbled out of bed to the window struggling to lift it up due to her body more than likely being asleep. Once she managed to focus her eyes she came to the stark realisation that it was Ashley who had interrupted her Ashley thoughts. The tired and emotional blonde reluctantly opened the window as if she was under some sort of mind control._

 _"Ash it's late" Spencer whispered hoping not to wake up her parents plus she really didn't want to have this conversation._

 _"Come Spence I need to talk to you...you need to talk to me" Ashley whispered back as she started climbing the ladder that lent against the tree._

 _Ashley would always pop over for midnight chats to Spencer. In the summer they would sit on the tree branch that led to Spencer's bedroom window and they would talk for hours. They would make up stories about the stars above, the neighbours down the street and just talk like best friends did._

 _Ashley slowly approached the window and cautiously perched herself just inside the bedroom. Spencer had already retreated back to her bed and had her fluffy wrapped around her like some form or armour._

 _"Where are your parents?" Ashley asked awkwardly, suddenly losing the ability to talk._

 _"They're not here...they've gone to visit Glen" Spencer replied pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders._

 _"Then why are you whispering?" Ashley giggled as she slowly moved towards Spencer's bed. The nervous brunette took a seat at the opposite side of the bed, being cautious as she did so._

 _"I was hoping that if I whispered you'd think you'd get into trouble and leave" Spencer snapped letting out a huge sigh trying to let Ashley know just how pissed she is._

 _"That's very devious of you Miss Carlin" Ashley joked revealing her perfect smile which only further annoyed Spencer._

 _"Why you here Ash and where's Aiden?"_

 _"He's at home and I'm here because I had to talk to you. I feel crappy about earlier"_

 _"I'm over it...it was just an accident"_

 _Ashley looked shocked and hurt by the venom in Spencer's voice but she was not going to back down. Ashley was the one that had kissed her earlier._

 _"Spence...it wasn't an accident" Ashley confessed as if the words had stumbled off her tongue. The words grabbed Spencer's attention straight away and now she felt pissed again._

 _"Ashley it was an accident. You love Aiden remember"_

 _"No I don't Spence...I never have and never will. We just fell together because it was easy and I know he feels that too. I have no idea what is happening between us but I can't keep ignoring it and neither can you" Ashley didn't lose focus on Spencer once and her stare only became more intense._

 _Spencer was 99% sure she was dreaming, she had similar dreams a lot recently so it wouldn't be a huge surprise but she felt Ashley's weight adjust on her bed and there she was. Ashley was once again with in kisses distance, within holding distance and Spencer felt out of control again._

 _"Are you drunk?" Spencer asked thinking that this would be the only explanation._

 _"No I'm 100% sober" Ashley threw a strange look at Spencer._

 _"_ _Why now?" Spencer still couldn't quite understand what was happening._

 _"_ _Because this, whatever this is Spencer is undeniable" Ashley explained as she finally leaned over and kissed Spencer. This kiss was more passionate than earlier, a lot more sure and prepared. Spencer didn't know if this change of heart was going to last so she didn't say anything she just kissed the girl she loved back._

 _They kissed all night and then fell asleep holding each other. Neither of them was ready to take things any further just yet. They were both too fragile and too unsure._

Spencer snapped herself out of her memories and tried not to remember the perfect night but instead remembered the neglect and heartbreak that was soon to follow. Aiden followed Spencer's confused stare and he felt a familiar pang of sadness but the expression on his best friends face was pure heartbreak.

Spencer took a drag on her cigarette and flicked it into the ashtray not realising that she had smoked the whole thing. Spencer fought back all the emotions that were rushing over her in that moment and for first time in 3 years Spencer had seen the girl with golden flecks in her eyes, the girl who broke her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Aid what are you doing?" Spencer snapped as she wiggled her arm free from Aiden's loose grasp.

"Spence I was taking you away so we can decide what to do" Aiden explained obviously talking about Ashley.

"Well acting cool is no longer an option" Spencer joked.

"Spencer I'm cool with just leaving, it's up to you" Spencer studied Aiden's face and she couldn't read him like she normally could. He almost looked calm which she couldn't understand.

"Look there's Madison and Carmen let's go talk to them" Spencer suggested without waiting for a reply. She walked over to their friends and everybody shared hugs and kisses due to the fact they hasn't seen each other since Christmas.

"So have you heard?" Madison stated loudly looking at the two best friends who immediately clicked what she was talking about.

"Yep and she's sat in the garden with Chelsea" Aiden answered for both of them nodding his head in Ashley's direction. She was no longer looking over at them but she was very much aware that was being looked at. Aiden knew Ashely as much as he knew Spencer. He could read both girls so well which didn't help when everything went wrong all those years ago.

"Why is Chelsea talking to her?" Madison asked with every spot of venom she could muster.

"I guess she didn't do anything to hurt anybody else" Spencer rationalised not wanting to cause a rift in her small but close group of friends.

"You say that...oh well we need drinks and some girls' to distract you two" Madison announced raising one eyebrow at Aiden. Spencer knew full well that Madison and Aiden would hook up this summer; they did every summer when they ran out of random people to hook up with or just couldn't be bothered with all the games. Spencer had a similar 'arrangement' with Carmen last summer but the lines got blurred and Spencer didn't do blurred lines.

"Ok get me 3 shots of tequila...and a vodka please...oh and whatever you guys want. I need to go pee" Spencer said as she passed Carmen a 50 dollar bill.

Spencer pushed through the crowd checking out the few girls she didn't recognise, noticing some cute girls that she would definitely try to talk to later once she had cleared her head. Spencer was relieved to see there was no queue for this particular rest room. It was hidden at the back of the bar. Spencer pushed the door open and entered the hot pink rest room taking in face that stood stunned in front of her. Spencer's eyes met Ashley's for a few seconds until Spencer broke the gaze as she darted into the stall closest to her. Spencer hoped naively that Ashley hadn't seen her but knew this wasn't the case.

"Spencer I saw you go in there" Ashley yelled at the door in frustration she knew this would never be easy but she was hoping that all parties might be slightly more mature. Ashley sat on the sink outside the toilet that Spencer was still hiding in.

"I'm not leaving Spencer until you come out" Ashley sighed.

Spencer swallowed hard as Ashley's raspy voice filled her head almost making her feel like the air had thinned in the tiny bathroom. She simply wasn't ready for any of this and just wanted to escape but she knew that Ashley was just as stubborn as her, if not more.

"Can we do this another time? I'm kind of busy" Spencer finally replied trying to sound relaxed and nonchalant.

"Spence I can see your feet and I know you're standing up. Just come out and I'll leave"

"That would be something new..." Spencer muttered to herself under her breathe hoping that Ashley would hear the remark.

Spencer unlocked the door and came face to face with Ashley again. She carefully studied the shorter girl's features and took in the small changes in her over all appearance. Firstly she no longer had red steaks in her dark hair, in fact it was all one colour and the golden flecks were more prominent than she ever remembered. She still had the most beautiful eyes that Spencer had ever seen and they still took her breath away.

"I heard that by the way" Ashley finally said showing a slight smile in the corners of her mouth.

"Good I said it out loud. You can leave now..." Spencer's mood suddenly changed. Ashley noticed the abruptness in Spencer's voice and she that this was not going to be happy reunion. Ashley was by no means naïve when it came to returning to Youngtown but she had hoped that time had helped with some of the healing and maybe forgiving. The look of pain and hurt in Spencer's eyes only confirmed to Ashley how badly she had fucked up before she left her hometown, before she ran away from her problems and from the love of her life.

 ** _Flashback_**

 _Ashley was too scared to open her eyes because she knew when she did that everything that happened last night would be real and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. Admitting defeat she finally opened her eyes to see Spencer lying peacefully asleep next to her and couldn't help be overwhelmed by the emotions that were screaming through her body. She knew that she loved the perfect blonde girl that was lying next to her and she had known for a while in fact she had known for too long. Ashley had seen the way that he best friend has started looking at her because it was the same way that she looked at Spencer when she thought she wasn't looking. But Aiden was also looking at Ashley in the same way and knowing that she could handle what Aiden had to offer she took the easy route. The day that Ashley and Aiden had told Spencer she could see the hurt in Spencer's big blue eyes but she ignored it because it was earlier than dealing with the truth. Ashley loved Aiden but she wanted Spencer and last night she had let those feelings win._

 _Ashley pushed aside her unspoken love for Spencer and carefully freed her hand from the sleeping girl's. She felt her stomach sink as she moved carefully from the bed knowing that she was doing the right thing for everyone...or maybe just for herself. Ashley kissed Spencer on the head trying not to disturb her, not want to explain her actions. Ashley climbed back through the familiar window fighting back the tears that were blurring her vision. She managed to leave unnoticed and just headed home as quickly as her legs could carry her knowing that she had to make a clean break._

Spencer pushed passed Ashley so she get out of the bathroom and away from this situation but the brunette followed her.

"Spence I'm back for good so you're going to have to deal with me at some point" Ashley reminded her as they made their way down the tight hallway.

"No I don't! In fact in 3 months I'll be gone again. You've avoided me for 3 years so I'm pretty sure I can avoid you for 3 months" Spencer spat not stopping to even look at Ashley.

"Where?" Ashley asked with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"If you'd stuck around then you'd know"

"If I'd stuck around I'd know everything about you"

"Well you made your choice and I'm making mine" Spencer tried to leave again but Ashley instinctively grabbed her arm. Spencer shot Ashley a death stare which made Ashley automatically recoil.

"Spence...please give me a chance" Ashley begged again.

"I already gave you that chance Ashley and you blew it. You left...you just went...ugh God I don't want to do this right now" Spencer fought back a stray tear and left the hallway, heading straight outside hoping to avoid anyone she might know. Spencer grabbed her cigarettes from her bag and lit one straight away.

 ** _Flashback_**

 _Spencer stirred placing her arm across her bed searching for the body that was now missing. Spencer opened her eyes and scanned the sunshine soaked room noticing straight away that Ashley's clothes were gone. Spencer grabbed her cell phone and dialled Ashley's number not expecting it to go directly to voicemail. In frustration Spencer dialled Aiden's number but immediately stopped when the guilt of what she had just done hit her almost knocking her off her feet. Spencer sat on the edge of her bed letting the tears that were mostly guilt related at the moment flow from her bleary eyes. Spencer tried to make sense of what had happened and how she had let it happen but she knew that no matter who Ashley was with she was never going to fight it when it finally happened. Spencer's self-pity was interrupted by Aiden calling her, which she considered ignoring but she knew that Aiden wouldn't be calling at 7am unless it was an emergency._

 _"Hey Aid" Spencer answered calmly._

 _"I just got this cryptic letter through my door from Ashley" Spencer swallowed hard as she imagined what that letter might say._

 _"She's gone..." Aiden said obviously feeling emotional._

 _"What?...but...why?" Spencer asked letting the emotion strain her voice._

 _"She's gone to live with her Dad in LA" Aiden advised with a tired, confused voice._

 _"_ _Does it say why?" Spencer suddenly felt desperate._

 _"_ _No" Aiden replied with a sob, this only made Spencer feel worse than ever._

 _Spencer hung up on Aiden and threw on some sweats while trying to climb out her bedroom window. Spencer knew that Ashley had only been gone an hour or so which meant that there was no way she could've left yet mostly because there's no way that Ashley Davies was packing lightly to go to LA. Spencer jogged down the empty, quiet street cutting around the back way that led to Ashley's road. Spencer smiled as she saw that Ashley's Porsche was still parked in its usual place. Spencer slowed down to a fast walk so she wasn't out of breath when she spoke to Ashley. Spencer let herself in, ignoring the maid that was loitering around the lobby and went straight into Ashley's room without knocking. Ashley looked like a dear caught in head lights when she turned around to see a slightly red looking Spencer stood in her room. Ashley dropped whatever clothes she was packing and sat in complete silence not knowing what to do or say._

 _"Spence..."Ashley finally croaked out._

 _"What the hell Ash?" Spence snapped back signalling to the packed suitcases._

 _"I...we...you...this can't happen" Ashley stuttered causing Spencer to flinch at the words._

 _"Well it already did Ash and now we need to deal with it"_

 _"There's nothing to deal with Spence...it happened and now it's over"_

 _"No it's not. You're just scared" Spencer reasoned as she felt all the emotions from the last 24 hours hit her._

 _"I'm not scared I'm fucking terrified Spencer. I have no idea how I let this happen...it was perfect with Aiden" Ashley replied knowing that mentioning Aiden's name was a mistake._

 _"It can't have been that perfect Ash otherwise you wouldn't have spent the night with me" Spencer interrupted seeing through the lies that Ashley was telling her._

 _"That was a mistake"_

 _"You don't mean that" Spencer was now really trying to hold everything back especially the tears that were starting to build in her eyes._

 _"It's not right and I love Aiden"_

 _"I love Aiden too but I'm in love with you Ashley and last night pretty much confirmed that for me. I know it's new and strange but it's right for us whether you believe that or not. If you don't feel the same please tell me now and I'll leave...just please stay, don't hurt me and Aiden..." Spencer could no longer fight the tears and she already knew what Ashley was going to say. So she prepared herself for the emotional blow to the gut._

 _"I don't feel the same Spence...I'm sorry"_

 _"That's fine...please go tell Aiden that you love him and want him then before you really hurt him" Spencer demanded as she left the house letting the tears flow. Spencer felt used and guilty at the same time. She had managed to hurt Aiden by kissing the love of his life and Ashley was just using her for her own fun. Spencer still wanted Ashley to stay even if it was only for Aiden's sake because he didn't deserve any of this. As she made her way back over to her house Spencer rang Aiden to tell him to go see Ashley._

 _"Spence?" Aiden sounded as desperate as she had just sounded while begging Ashley to stay._

 _"Hey dude...I've spoken to Ash and she didn't mean it"_

 _"I don't understand"_

 _"I think she's just scared of how much she loves you and it was easier to run than to see it through" Spencer couldn't help but feel the irony of her words but she wanted to make her friend feel better._

 _"I don't know what to do"_

 _"Just go see her...that's all you'll need to do"_

 _"You ok Spence?" Aiden asked noticing how shaky her voice was._

 _"I'll be fine...I'm just tired"_

 _"K love you friend" Aiden said easily accepting Spencer's lies as he hung up the phone._

Spencer put out her cigarette on the wall and went to head back but was stopped by a slightly shorter figure stood next to her.

"Just checking you didn't fall in" Carmen joked as she eyed Spencer.

"Thanks...just needed some air" Spencer replied as her eyes spotted Ashley walking towards her. Spencer made the regrettable decision to start up something that she had spent most of last summer trying to stop but at this point she would do anything to avoid another conversation with Ashley. Without a second thought she grabs Carmen and pulls her in for a passionate over the top kiss. Carmen didn't fight it which Spencer already knew before it happened. The kiss worked perfectly as Spencer saw the look on Ashley's face so she pulled away from Carmen to smirk at Ashley.

"What are you doing Spence?" Carmen asked but before Spencer could reply Ashley was already walked straight over to Spencer pulling her away from Carmen by her arm. Spencer yanked her arm free again and stared solemnly at Ashley.

"Do you mind?" Spencer snapped.

"Spencer I'm not going to leave until we talk about this" Ashley replied in a slightly more stern voice than she was using earlier.

"Wow you have turned over a new leaf" Spence replied sarcastically but no matter how much she thought she should walk off for some reason she couldn't. Despite everything that had happened and despite everything that she had promised herself should this moment arrive, Ashley still had a pull on her.

"I get you're still mad at me, I really do but I'm here now so you're going to have to deal with it. I want to be your friend again"

"Mad at you? Ashley I am beyond mad at you! And I have enough friends thank you..."Spencer replied as she shared a look with Carmen.

"You don't like her Spence..." Ashley said as she noticed the shared glance.

"How would you know?"

"Because...because you don't look at her how you used to look at me" Ashley confessed knowing that the words would definitely hurt Spencer.

"Stay away from me Ashley" Spencer replied with every bit of anger she was able to find. Spencer didn't want to be around Ashley now and her legs finally took control, taking her away from the girl that had definitely broken her heart. Spencer ignored Carmen's desperate look and completely bypassed her group of friends, instead she went straight out the front of the club. Without looking back she got into her car and drove off.

Aiden spotted his friend making a swift exit and tried to follow her but managed to bump into the one person that he didn't want to talk to.

"Leave her alone Ashley" Aiden snarled as he stood between the front door and Ashley.

"I'm just trying to make it better"

"You can't Ash...you broke her….you broke both of our hearts" Aiden said trying to keep his cool mostly because he was mostly over what had happened but it still hurt sometimes.

"I didn't mean to Aiden...I didn't know what else to do"

"You could've been honest or at least kind"

"I'm sorry Aiden I know I hurt you too but I just want...I want her...I want her to forgive me" Ashley finished the sentence quickly when she noticed that Aiden's eyebrow rose when she said want.

"Fuck Ashley you can't just cannonball into town and expect all to be forgiven. You really hurt her and me. I honestly never thought I'd speak to you again after you left but I realised soon after that what we had was never real but whatever it was you had with Spencer was real or at least it was to her"

"It was to me as well Aiden" Ashley replied sadly.

"Then why did you run? We could've worked it out"

"I was selfish then Aiden. I was stupid kid who hid from my problems but I'm not doing that any more. I am here to fix everything I broke 3 years ago and that includes you"

"I'm not broken Ash" Aiden replied as he headed back inside the club leaving Ashley alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 ** _FLASHBACK_**

 _Aiden found Ashley sat on the giant stairwell of her mansion obviously waiting for him to come. Aiden immediately noticed the tears in his girlfriend's eyes and all he could do was comfort her from whatever was making her sad. Aiden put his giant arms around her and pulled her in close hoping that the comfort of his body would help._

 _"I'm sorry Aiden...I didn't mean it" Ashley finally said in between sobs._

 _"I understand...Spencer explained everything to me" Aiden's words caused Ashley to sit up straight and the tears turned to pure fear._

 _"What did she say?" Ashley asked trying to act calm._

 _"Just that you're scared by how much you love me and you didn't know how to deal with it" Aiden explained with a big goofy smile on his face. The goofy smile used to melt Ashley until she started noticing the little things about Spencer like her light, blue eyes or the way she giggled so nobody could hear her. The fact that Spencer had said these things to Aiden made her insides tear apart with guilt and regret knowing that Spencer would put what she felt aside for a relationship that Ashley wasn't sure she wanted. Ashley tried to ignore her doubts about Aiden but she knew that this was only happening because she was a coward and didn't want people to not like her for who she really was._

 _"Spencer is right...she knows me so well"_

 _"Wish I got you in the same way" Ashley couldn't help but agree with the statement._

Spencer headed home but instead of going into the house realising that it was only 11.30 she knew her parent's guests would still be there. She decided to listen to her ipod in the tree. She expertly climbed the tree and plugged her ipod into her ears mindlessly flicking through the random songs. Spencer didn't notice that she was being joined in the tree until she felt the weight of the branch shift slightly.

"I really do not want to deal with round 3 already Ashley" Spencer said rolling her eyes but secretly commending the girl for her persistency and courage. Ashley was a glutton for punishment but this didn't make Spencer want to talk to her any more.

"Just shut up and listen Carlin" Ashley snapped trying to keep her balance in the tree.

Spencer didn't reply, she just continued to flick through different tracks on her phone.

"I miss my best friend and want her back" Ashley exclaimed looking directly at Spencer who was still staring at her phone.

"She's gone Ashley...she's all grown up now and doesn't do drama or bullshit"

"What happened to her?"

"She got her heartbroken by somebody that didn't deserve to have it in the first place" Spencer replied swinging her legs knowing that she would've just hurt Ashley's feelings and it felt kind of good.

"I didn't deserve your heart Spence...I barely deserved your friendship but I miss it so much"

"Well if you hadn't have ran away you'd probably still have my friendship at least. As for my heart that will never be yours"

"Please give me a break I'm trying" Ashley begged only to be ignored by Spencer again.

 ** _FLASHBACK_**

 _As Spencer watched Aiden and Ashley dance with one another she couldn't help but think about that night a few weeks ago when she was the one that close to Ashley. Spencer couldn't get the girl out of her head but had spent the past few weeks trying to avoid any alone time with either of them. She even created a new hobby in order to avoid spending time with them. She would take her Dad's old camera out with her and just wander around the town taking photos of whatever she felt was beautiful. She even found a dark room at the local community college that was open during the summer. So she spent the long, hot summer days in there avoiding her problems like a pro. That is until she gave in to Aiden's constant questioning which has led to her being sat in Gray miserable and alone while watching her best friends act like the perfect couple._

 _Spencer decided to pull herself away from the uncomfortable situation by partaking in another favourite past time of hers, vodka._

 _"Can I get a vodka/cranberry please?" Spencer asked trying to be casual but the barmaid had already decided that she was far too young for the vodka part of her order._

 _"Got any ID?" The dark haired girl from behind the bar asked taking a special interest in Spencer._

 _"Yea sure one second" Spencer replied calmly taking the small rectangle from her purse and passing it to the bar maid. Glen had purchased the fake ID as a 18_ _th_ _Birthday present which is kind of sweet when you consider how much of an ass he is. Spencer swallowed hard as she prayed that the card worked and that Glen hasn't screwed up._

 _"Isn't Spencer a boys' name?" The girl asked looking Spencer directly in the eyes._

 _"So I've heard...I think I pull it off though" Spencer replied confidently with a smile for the barmaid._

 _"Yea it suits you but the ID is fake Spencer..." The girl replied with a smirk._

 _"It is not...ok it is but you can't blame me for trying" Spencer giggled._

 _"I'm supposed to destroy this but you look cute in the picture so I might keep it" The girls remarked shocked Spencer as she had never been hit on before by another girl other than Ashley but that didn't count._

 _"Well I better give you my number just in case you feel like returning it" Spencer had no idea where her new found confidence came from but she liked it and so did this girl apparently._

 _"I get off in 5 minutes and I have a real ID so meet me outside"_

 _"Ok..."Spencer leaned to look at the girls name tag but was interrupted by the girl kissing her rather passionately leaving Spencer completely shell shocked but in the best way possible. She kissed differently to Ashley but it certainly had the desired effect._

 _"Demi" The girl said as she wondered off upstairs. Spencer couldn't believe her luck as she headed over to her friends to tell them that she was heading off. Spencer approached the table but only Ashley was sat there looking less than happy._

 _"Hey I'm leaving in a minute so I'll see you guys another time" Spencer said as she grabbed her jacket but Ashley wouldn't budge._

 _"Who's she?" Ashley asked with all the venom of a jealous girlfriend._

 _"Demi...we're just going to hang out"_

 _"You just kissed her in front of everybody" Ashley replied pointing out the obvious._

 _"I had noticed"_

 _"Spence she's just using you"_

 _"That's rich" Spencer snapped back getting annoyed but pleasantly surprised at Ashley's jealous behaviour._

 _"I'm just looking out for my friend"_

 _"Too late for that...why don't you focus on your boyfriend" Spencer suggested and went to leave only to be grabbed by Ashley and pulled to a dark corner of the club._

 _"What the hell Ash?"_

 _"I'm just looking out for you"_

 _"NO you're acting jealous which is stupid"_

 _"I can't help it" Ashley answered dipping her head in shame as if she never wanted to guess this emotion she was feeling._

 _"Well you'll have to deal with Ashley because I'm leaving with her and you're leaving with Aiden"_

 _"Aiden's already left"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"I told him that I needed to talk to you about some stuff so he left to give us some girl time" Ashley explained raising her eyebrow in a very seductive manner at the end of the sentence shocking Spencer._

 _"Go home Ashley. You're only doing this because you jealous. We established the other week how this plays out and I am not interested any more" Spencer lied which Ashley caught on to quite easily. Using her looks to her advantage Ashley slowly moved her hand softly down Spencer's side skimming her hips with her finger tips. Noticing that Spencer's breathing had changed Ashley gently pressed her body against Spencer, leaning in, breathing softly against her ear sending volts through her body. Spencer couldn't resist anymore and she grabbed the girl who drove her insane and kissed her with every ounce of passion she had in her. Taking Ashley's face in her hands and pushing her against the wall that they were hiding behind. Spencer was so caught up in the moment that she had forgotten just awful she had felt the last time this happened so she used every bit on control she had left and pushed Ashley away._

 _"_ _What the hell Spencer?"_

 _"_ _I'm not doing this Ashley please just go home" Spencer felt tired from the emotional ping pong Ashley was playing with her but she knew deep down that she was weak when it came to Ashley. She also knew that she would end up getting hurt again._

 _"_ _Come stay with me tonight Spence" It wasn't a question, it was an instruction and Spencer wasn't able to say no._

"Ashley I really can't do this right now" Spencer sighed.

"Okay I'll go but I am not giving up Spencer" Ashley promised as she flashed her trademark smile and climbed back down the ladder. Spencer watched her walk through the neighbourhood like she had never left it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Spencer had managed to go two whole days without hearing from Ashley or seeing her but this was mostly because she only left the house to do her work experience and even then she tried to be stealth. Spencer had also managed to avoid Aiden thanks to the guilt that had come flooding back the minute she laid eyes on Ashley. Spencer knew that Aiden would never tell her to cut Ashley out completely but she didn't want to hurt her friend like she had done all those summers ago. It took a while to get their friendship back on track then and knowing that she didn't want to lose Aiden as well Spencer pushed any forgiveness for Ashley away for her own good.

 ** _FLASHBACK_**

 _Spencer stirred from what she thought was the best and most realistic dream she had ever had hoping that she could fall back to sleep but the weight shifting on the bed pulled her from her slumber. Spencer slowly opened her eyes to find a smiling Ashley lying next her with bed hair and a healthy glow that Spencer had never seen on her before. Spencer was scared to talk in case she frightened the girl of her affections off again._

 _"Morning sleepy...I thought you were never going to wake up" Ashley whispered not taking her eyes off Spencer._

 _"I thought I was dreaming...am I?" Spencer replied in her groggy voice._

 _"Why do you think it's a dream?"_

 _"Because you're still here...that was kind of the last thing I expected" Spencer answered frankly._

 _"Ouch...I guess I deserved that" Ashley said with a pout._

 _"What are we doing?" Spencer asked with the full reality of what was happening staring her in the face. Ashley didn't respond instead she sat up and looked around the room blankly._

 _"Ash whatever this is we need to figure it out"_

 _"Can't we just enjoy whatever this is?"_

 _"Trust me I want to enjoy it but I can't help but feel guilty...what about Aid?" The second Spencer mentioned Aiden's name the expression on Ashley's face soon changed. She looked panicked and sickened at the same time signalling that the dream was pretty much over._

 _"You're right I should go" Ashley finally said getting out of bed. Spencer didn't want to have the uncomfortable conversation but knew she would have to otherwise things like this would continue happening without explanation._

 _"I don't want you to go Ashley but I can't have you stay unless it's just me" Spencer was shocked at the authority in her voice._

 _"I can't do that...sorry. I love Aiden and we make sense"_

 _"Fine, leave now but don't come back because I'm not doing this every time you decide you might be gay. I know what I want and who I want so I have no need to take part in your pantomime" Spencer snapped passing Ashley her belongings and showing her to her bedroom knowing that it was safe for Ashley to leave the normal way without been spotted._

 _"I...I'm sorry Spence"_

 _"Whatever! Ash just go to Aiden and tell him you love him...if that's how you feel. Just please stay away from me from now on...I can't watch you be with him and I am not going to lie to him either"_

 _Ashley left as she was asked to and Spencer watched her leave. Spencer couldn't decide if it was harder watching Ashley leave or waking up with her already gone, either way both options hurt. Spencer knew that this wasn't over because she still loved the girl but in that moment she knew she had to move on._

 _That same evening Spencer decided to go back to Gray and find Demi who she had stood up the night before. Spencer was hoping that the girl would still be open to her advances. Luckily she was working so Spencer plucked up all her courage and headed over immediately getting daggers thrown at her._

 _"So you're not dead in a gutter?" Demi asked avoiding any eye contact._

 _"I wish...would be a lot easier if I'm honest" Spencer replied with a smile._

 _"Do I get an explanation?" Demi asked walking around the bar to stand in front of Spencer._

 _"Do I get a second chance?" Spencer asked hopefully._

 _"Depends"_

 _"I was tying up some loose ends" Spencer replied vaguely not wanting to go into detail mostly for her own protection._

 _"So are these loose ends all tied up?" Demi asked slowly relaxing her frosty demeanour which encouraged Spencer to relax as well._

 _"I'd say so...in fact I'm certain"_

 _"I'm working all night so I won't be able to do anything until tomorrow"_

 _"You don't look too busy at the moment...maybe I can hang out here?" Spencer suggested slowly moving closer to Demi and trying to focus all her energy on another pretty girl, a girl that would return her affections Spencer hoped._

 _"Ok...you have your second chance but you're paying for all your drinks"_

 _"Does that include alcoholic drinks?" Spencer asked with a cheeky smile._

 _"Maybe, that depends..."_

 _"On?"_

 _"Kiss me and I'll tell you" Demi answered with all the confidence in the world. Spencer was quick to respond and kissed Demi gently on the lips, placing her hands on her hips which she used to pull Demi closer. The kissed finally ended when a cough from behind them caused them to separate. Spencer turned around to see who the offender was only to be disappointed._

 _"I've been trying to call you Spence" Aiden giggled while Ashley stood next to him glaring at the girl who currently had her arm around Spencer._

 _"Sorry I was busy this morning and I'm busy this evening" Spencer said with a cocky smile in Ashley's direction knowing that she was definitely the jealous type._

 _"So I can see. Hi I'm Aiden and this is my girlfriend Ashley" Aiden announced, ever the gentleman. Aiden shook Demi's hand, whereas Ashley just glared at the other girl. Seeing Spencer kissing her had made Ashley feel sick and a whole range of emotions that she wasn't ready to deal with._

 _"Nice to meet you I'm Demi. Spencer I need to get back to work...you don't have hang out all night if your friends are here" Demi returned her full attention back to Spencer and they were standing extremely close. Spencer's eyes met with Ashley's for a second but the brunette soon looked away. Spencer tried her best not to feel guilty._

 _"No way! I'm not passing up my second chance Demi. I made a mistake last night" Spencer said looking only at Demi now hinting for her 'friends' to leave._

 _Ashley was still staring as if she was going to attack at least one of the girls but luckily her evils were going unnoticed by Aiden as he was so shocked by seeing Spencer out with a girl. He knew that Spencer thought she might be gay as they had the conversation a while ago and he was happy that she was finally doing something about it._

 _"Come on Baby lets go get a booth and leave these two to it" Aiden said smiling politely but Ashley look reluctant to leave._

 _"I want to sit at the bar" Ashley finally said as she aggressively pulled a stool away from the bar and took a seat._

 _"Ash I know you're overprotective of Spencer but let her do this alone" Aiden begged only to have his request ignored as Ashley refused to budge._ _Spencer couldn't but roll her eyes at how stupid Ashley was being. She had the right to meet other girls, she was single after all._

 _Spencer spent the first hour being able to talk to Demi freely as the bar was dead. They managed to talk mostly without being interrupted as Ashley just sat there scowling into her drink and Aiden chatted to some of his friends from School. As the bar started to fill up conversation became more and more difficult. After another hour Demi managed to get a break so she dragged Spencer out to the service exit so they could have a few minutes alone._

 _"Do you smoke?" Demi asked lighting a cigarette for herself._

 _"Never tried" Spencer replied slightly ashamed of her own innocence._

 _"Wanna?"Demi encouraged with a wicked smile on her face handing the packet to Spencer. Spencer took one of the small white sticks out of the crumpled packet and lit it under Demi's instruction. With the first drag Spencer coughed and spluttered but slowly got used to the minty treat._

 _"So Spencer Carlin...the girl at the end of the bar is she the loose end?" Demi asked already knowing the answer._

 _"Is it that obvious?"_

 _"You hide it quite well but she looks like she may kill me later so I think for my own protection it might be a good idea for you to come back to mine later?"_

 _"If it's for your protection I can't say no can I?"_

 _"In return I promise to make that loose end disappear forever" Demi said as she took Spencer's face in her hands and kissed her with an intensity that Spencer had never experienced before and she liked it. Spencer dropped the cigarette from her fingers and pushed back into Demi so that she slammed against the service door. The dark hair girl moaned with delight causing Spencer to kiss harder._

 _The evening was slowly coming to an end and Spencer couldn't wait for it to finish so she could carry on where her and Demi finished off earlier on. She and Ashley had only kissed before so her lesbian experience was pretty limited but she didn't think this would be a problem with Demi. Yes the girl was older and way more experienced but she was interested in Spencer. Spencer knew that in reality this was just going to be a hook up but she figured that it was exactly what she needed. She needed a distraction from Ashley, from Aiden and from the whole mess that had developed over summer. She just needed to get through the last semester of high school and then she would be able to escape forever._

 _As Demi's shift was soon to end Spencer decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up. She made her way down the narrow hallways and located the tiny bathroom at the back of the club. As she walked in she was shocked to see an upset Ashley wiping her eyes in the mirror._

 _Spencer struggled to hide the surprise at seeing Ashley actually crying. Part of Spencer saw her best friend clearly distraught but the other part of her saw the girl that was breaking her heart._

 _"Shit...I'm leaving don't worry" Ashley whispered in between tears as she tried to push past Spencer._

 _"Hey...don't go Ash...what's up?" Spencer asked holding Ashley still automatically regretting the decision._

 _"Nothing...everything...this" Ashley answered signalling to Spencer holding her hand._

 _"Don't worry that won't be happening again" Spencer remembered that the vulnerable crying girl had crushed her heart a few hours before. Spencer let go of Ashley's hand and moved back creating some distance between them._

 _"Yea you have Demi now" Ashley snapped as she wiped her eyes again._

 _"I don't have anybody but you do have Aiden and that's your choice"_

 _"Didn't look like that when we walked in"_

 _"Why do you even care?" Spencer yelled in pure frustration at the mixed signals she was getting from Ashley._

 _"BECAUSE I WANT YOU!" Ashley yelled back looking almost shocked by her own words._

 _"No you don't Ashley...you want me when it suits you. You want me behind your boyfriends back...you want me now you can't have me" Spencer gave Ashley a few home truths hoping that been angry at her would stop her from wanting to kiss her._

 _"Spencer I want you in every way possible but I can't just stop being with him"_

 _"This is exactly why nothing else can happen between us. Go back into the bar and find Aiden"_

 _"So you can go off with Demi"_

 _"Yes so I can off with Demi and so we can have some fun without causing any pain to anybody else"_

 _"Fine go off with her..."_

 _"God Ashley how can you be mad at me?!I'm single and she wants me...there's no mess, no mixed messages, no broken hurts"_

 _"Spence just give me some time and I'll be better" Ashley was now closer to Spencer, only inches from her face. Spencer could see the golden flecks that she knew inside out now and she knew that Ashley loved her back. Unfortunately the golden flecks would never let Spencer know how long it would take Ashley to realise that she was gay._

 _"I can't do that Ash...it's not fair on Aiden"_

 _"I'll break up with him tonight" Ashley promised putting her hands on Spencer's waist as if she was holding her in the moment._

 _"No Ashley you can't just do that. Aiden loves you"_

 _"Do you love me?" Ashley asked looking right through Spencer's eyes._

 _"You know I do Ash"_

 _"That's all that matters because I love you Spence and I know I always will" Ashley's words caused a reaction in Spencer that made her kiss Ashley with no consideration for the consequences or anybody else's feelings. Spencer's head was spinning from the kiss and she hardly noticed that Ashley had pushed her on to the side. Ashley hands were all over Spencer's body which made Spencer's skin burn with passion. Goosebumps took over the blonde's body as Ashley slowly kissed and nipped at her neck, toying with her pulse spot. Spencer let out a loud groan which encouraged Ashley to bite harder and for her hands to move further down her body grazing her stomach. This was further than either of them had gone before and the reality dawned on Spencer. She stopped kissing Ashley and pulled away quickly, immediately missing the warmth of the other girl._

 _"_ _What's the matter Spencer?" Ashley asks pulling Spencer closer._

 _"_ _This isn't going to end well" Spencer admitted._

 _"_ _I know but I have no idea how to deal with this" Ashley confessed placing her forehead against Spencer's._

 _A knock on the bathroom door caused them to jump apart. Aiden's head appeared around the door, he was covering his eyes out of respect._

 _"_ _Hey the bar is kind of closed now guys. I know you love going to the bathroom together but do you always need to take forever?" Aiden joked and it killed both girls who couldn't really look at each other again no matter how they wanted to._

 _"_ _Sorry Aiden, just girl stuff" Spencer finally replied as she headed out of the bathroom. The guilt washed over her and she realised that even though she felt bad it was almost worth it to kiss Ashley and it was in that moment that she knew she wouldn't stop._

.

Spencer was sat on her tree having a cigarette and a coffee for breakfast knowing that her parents had already left a few hours ago. She basked in the morning sun and took in the fresh morning air but couldn't help but giggle at the irony of 'fresh air' while she was smoking. Spencer hadn't spotted the car pulling into her drive but she did see Aiden standing beneath her.

"Hey lady" Aiden yelled as he started climbing the ladder.

"Oh hey dude..."

"So are you avoiding me on purpose or are you just really busy not having a social life?"

"Damn you and knowing me so well"

"Fess up Carlin"

"Seeing Ashley the other night just brought back a lot of bad feelings and memories"

"That's the past Spence...I'm ok and we're fine"

"Yea but I hurt you so much Aid and I can't forget that"

"You can't change what happened"

"But she's back and it's confusing me"

"You still love her?"

"I don't know"

"Well she's here and she's not going anywhere so just deal with it before you push out your life for no reason"

"I'm only here for 2 or so months and then I'm gone"

"Do you honestly think that Ashley Davies will just let this lie?"

"Nope"

"Just please don't give anything up because of me...I love you Carlin and nothing will change that" Aiden said giving his best friend a hug


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"Carmen I don't really want to go" Spencer whined into her cell phone as she messed about with her laptop editing photographs from her days work. The work experience wasn't everything she expected as it was mostly kids parties.

"But it's going to be an awesome party" Carmen argued.

"Yes which is been hosted by Ashley who is the one person I'm trying to avoid and I am doing a pretty good job" Spencer explained. She had received an e-mail from Ashley about this party but she had deleted it straight away.

"You probably won't even see her. I mean her house is huge anyway plus I'll protect"

Spencer really didn't want to have Carmen protecting her because she knew that this would lead her on which was one of the last things Spencer wanted especially after that stupid kiss the other week. She had made a vow with herself before she came home for the summer to not get into any girl drama and Carmen always came with a huge dose of that.

"Carmen I'm really not in the mood and she will know that I'm going"

"Not if nobody tells her"

"That's not going to happen people in the place like to talk"

"Spence stop being lame and get on with your life. Ashley is so you might as well"

"What do you mean?" Spencer's attention averted away from her photographs quite quickly.

"She's been seen about with some chick, quite hot apparently" Carmen knew exactly what she was doing at this point and she knew it would work.

"Oh right...I'm glad...wait is she gay now?"

"Come tonight and find out"

"Alright...I'll go but don't expect me to have fun"

"I'll pick you up at 8" Carmen explained and then ended the call. Spencer let out a huge sigh and dropped her phone on to the bed in frustration only for it to ring again.

"What?" Spencer snapped answering her phone.

"You're in a good mood" Aiden laughed.

"Sorry...just got off the phone to Carmen"

"Yea she said that you're coming to Ashley's summer party"

"Wow she doesn't waste any time"

"So is it true?"

"Yes and I really don't want to go but I'm really fed up with hiding away"

"It's about time...I'll be there anyway"

"What?"

"I bumped into Ashley at the park the other day and we had a chat"

"You chatted with her?" Spencer didn't mean to sound so mad but she had assumed after 3 years of unspoken hatred for the girl that Aiden would have the decency to tell her that he had had a 'little chat' with the girl that broke both of their hearts that somehow ended with him going to her party.

"Chill out Spence...I'm over being mad and now she's back I thought why not let it go"

"That's all very mature of you but I don't get this new attitude of yours"

"Spence I have met a lot of girls' at college and its help me to realise that Ashley wasn't everything. Yes she hurt me but so did you and I forgave you" Aiden smirked as he said the last part knowing that Spencer would have no choice but to get over it.

"Ugh...ok I'll go and if I happen to see her then I'll try to be nice but only because you're acting like Buddha and you pulled out the guilt card"

"It had to be done. So do you want me to walk you your house first?"

"No Carmen said she'll get me"

"Oh really?"

"Just as friends...I'm not having a repeat of last summer"

"Haha oh please do! It was fucking hilarious"

"Don't push your luck Dennison"

"See you there then?"

"Apparently so"

Spencer spent the rest of her day messing with the photographs from the last party she did and before she realised most of the day had gone. Her phone had buzzed with a text from Carmen saying she would be there in an hour. Spencer checked the clock and it was already 7pm so decided that as she was going to Ashley's that she would do her best to look as hot as possible.

Turning on her music and she started getting ready hoping that she would be able to get away from this evening mostly unscathed. Putting on her tightest skinny fits and Ramones t-shirt Spencer checked her reflection in the mirror one last time before she left; admiring her smoky make up and poker straight hair. Carmen was already waiting in the drive way once she was finished getting ready.

"Hey you" Carmen said passing Spencer a cigarette knowing that Spencer would be dying for one.

"Thank you" Spencer said taking the little white stick.

"No worries...so where is Ashley's?"

"Literally the next road over"

"Why did you agree to me picking you up if it's only 2 minutes away?"

"Because I didn't want to arrive on my own and you offered...well demanded"

Carmen pulled off the drive and followed Spencer's basic directions getting the destination in less than 2 minutes. Spencer checked her reflection again and stubbed out her cigarette.

"You look great Spence" Carmen reassured her.

"Thanks...look Carmen...I know we're arriving together but.."

"We won't be leaving together...get over yourself Spence I've moved on" Carmen interrupted having heard Spencer's speech a few times at the end of last summer.

"Sorry I just...I didn't want to give you the wrong idea"

"Too late for that Spencer...you kind of did that most of last summer but like I said I'm over it"

Spencer took Carmen's word for it and climbed out of the VW convertible making her way down the long winding drive way that she knew so well. Suddenly she felt all her confidence being sucked out her as if she had just walked into a brick wall that wasn't going to move. Spencer looked up at the large bay window on the upper floor and more memories cam screaming back.

 ** _FLASHBACK_**

 _It had been 3 weeks since the incident at Gray._ _Spencer had been spending a little bit of time with Demi but her thoughts were reserved for Ashley only. The week following Gray had been jam packed with clandestine make out sessions here, there and everywhere but then Ashley's Mother announced a surprise trip to Cabo._

 _Spencer had been sat on Ashley's bed for the last 2 hours listening to music. The maid had let her in agreeing that Spencer could wait for Ashley upstairs. Her flight had been delayed back from Cabo which was unexpected. Spencer planned on surprising Ashley as she knew Aiden was coaching at soccer camp all day._

 _She heard the front door slam and she felt her heart nearly explode in her chest. The pounding of feet on the stairs only slightly over powered the pounding of Spencer's chest. Then the door opened, Ashley looked completely stunned. They were silent for a few seconds which gave Spencer time to doubt her actions but then their eyes properly met and Ashley's smile said it all. Ashley picked up her pace and almost ran at Spencer who was sat on the edge Ashley's bed. Their lips met mid-air before they crashed to the bed._

 _"_ _I missed you" Ashley mumbled in between kisses._

 _"_ _I missed you too Ash" Spencer replied desperately. Even though she had been spending time with Demi, her mind had never been far from Ashley and her lips._

 _They didn't talk again for a while, in fact they just lay together kissing and holding each other for a few more hours before they knew their time was up._

"Spence you ok?" Carmen quickly ran to the girls' side.

"I don't know if I can go in there" Spencer confessed as she stood completely grounded.

"You need to Spence...otherwise you'll be hidden away all summer plus all you friends are in there"

"And so is the one person that has broken my heart"

"Yea 3 years ago Spence...I know it still sucks but it gets easier" Carmen explained hoping that Spencer didn't realise that these were words from her experience.

"You promise?" Spencer asked holding Carmen's hand.

"Yes...Spence I will literally hold your hand the whole evening if you want?"

"Just until I remember how to walk" Spencer joked finally realising that Carmen did care for her but was just as a friend now.

"No problem" Carmen led Spencer towards the house not needing to knock on the door as it was already open. Spencer swallowed hard as she entered the house noticing that nothing had really changed since the last time she was there other than there were a few photos of Ashley and a girl that Spencer didn't recognise scattered on the walls. Carmen kept hold of Spencer's hand and pulled her into the main room which was quite full of people. Spencer scanned the crowd trying to find Aiden knowing that he would definitely make her feel better. She finally spotted him talking to some guys that they used to go to school with.

"Hey Carlin" Aiden shouted pulling Spencer into a bear hug.

"Is somebody still a light weight?" Spencer giggled as he put her down.

"No I'm just happy your here... I promise this will be the best thing for you" As Aiden was talking he noticed that Carmen was holding on to Spencer's hand.

"Don't worry Aiden I was just your job until we found you...am I excused now?" Carmen replied to the look Aiden gave Spencer.

"To do what?" Spencer asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"I said I'd meet a friend here" Carmen confessed going slightly red.

"Oooohhhh who?" Spencer asked with excitement.

"Just some girl I met the other week. Have fun and I'll see ya'll later" Carmen faded into the crowd. Aiden handed Spencer a beer and they headed out to the garden as they walked Spencer noticed Aiden was scanning the crowd as if he were looking for somebody.

"Who you looking for?" Spencer asked as they took a seat next to the pool which was framed with fairy lights and lanterns.

"Nobody"

"Liar"

"Ok I don't know her name but I saw her hanging out with Ashley the other day when I drove passed the lake. I was kind of hoping she might be here"

"I heard that chick was Ashley's girlfriend"

"So Ash is gay then?" Aiden asked almost relieved.

"Apparently so...I wouldn't know...she's not on my email list"

"Do you think it's true though?"

"I have no idea Aiden...why don't you go ask her?" Spencer snapped as she saw Ashley walking into the garden saying hello to people that Spencer knew Ashley didn't know.

"Ok I will" Aiden stood up and walked off completely ignoring Spencer grabbing his arm to stop him.

"Hey Ashley"

"Aiden you came?"

"Yea it's still cool right?"

"Definitely Aid...there's really only two people that I want here"

"Who's the other person?" Aiden asked knowing the answer already but he just needed to hear it just make sure.

"Spencer...I know she won't show though she made that pretty clear the other week when she told me to stay away" Ashley replied glumly.

"I guess she didn't mean it because she's here" Aiden said with a smile hoping the news would put a smile back her face which it did.

"I don't know how you did it Aid but thank you so much" Ashley finally said giving Aiden a hug.

"Just get it right this time Ashley" Aiden instructed but his thoughts were soon distracted when the girl he had seen the other day walked up to stand next to Ashley. She had dark hair similar to Ashley with the same brown eyes but her smile was different in so many ways.

"Hey little sister" Ashley said hugging the shorted girl.

"Woah...sister?" Aiden asked in shock.

"Yea this is Kyla...Ky this Aiden"

"I've heard so much about you Aiden" Kyla said shaking his hand and giving him a sweet smile.

"That's weird because I've heard absolutely nothing about you"

"Well Kyla can tell you all about it...I need to be somewhere" Ashley said as she walked off heading towards Spencer who was still sat by the pool on her own smoking.

"Since when do you smoke?" Ashley said causing Spencer to jump.

"Since I was about 3" Spencer joked leaving her confrontational streak behind for a moment.

"Well you look good for it" Ashley answered noticing how incredible the blond girl looked with her face gently lit by the fairy lights.

Spencer didn't say anything else instead she sat silently and hoped that Ashley would just go away but she didn't. Ashley sat down opposite Spencer and made sure she was in her eye line so she couldn't keep ignoring her.

"You having fun?" Ashley asked mentally kicking herself for sounding so lame.

"Yea great .I've been guilted to come here against my better judgement and now I've been ditched...actually I think I might just leave" Spencer went to stand up but Ashley stopped her and kept hold of her arm.

"Don't go...I'll keep you company if Aiden's pre-occupied" Ashley offered with nothing but hope and a smile.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Ash"

"Why not?"

"Because there's a very high chance that I'll just be mean to you"

"I deserve it and I can totally handle it"

"You think you deserve it?" Spencer asked intrigued because the whole time she had been friends with Ashley she had never admitted to doing anything wrong.

"Yes I was wrong and you know that" Ashley said looking down at her hands that suddenly seemed very interesting.

"I'm sorry but I need to take a minute here"

"Why?"

"Because _the_ Ashley Davies is admitting to being wrong. This is a historical moment Ashley" Spencer joked letting her over defensive guard down. Ashley tried to look offended but seeing Spencer smile even if it was at her own expense made Ashley smile too.

"Get used to it...I've changed a lot since I left" Ashley cringed the second the words left her mouth. The words made Spencer stiffen up as she heard Ashley be so nonchalant about what had happened between them. Spencer got up to leave again and this time Ashley didn't follow knowing that Spencer just needed some time.

Spencer made her way back to the party after hiding for a while only to be spotted by Ashley straight away. Ashley made her way over to Spencer so she could apologise for her own stupidity.

"Spence...I'm sorry about what I said" Ashley said as she leaned against the wall near Spencer.

"It's fine...it still hurts sometimes" Spencer confessed already feeling vulnerable.

"I hate that this is my entire fault"

"I'm joining your pity party Ashley"

"I don't regret what happened" Ashley admitted knowing that Spencer would be pissed at her for saying that but she just wanted to let Spencer know how she felt.

"Well you should because you hurt people. Aiden may be happy to have you back but I'm not" Spencer snapped but she didn't move which Ashley took as a signal to continue the discussion.

"Spencer it hurt me to and I know I dealt with it in the wrong way but I don't know what else to do. I'll apologise every day if I have to but tell if I'm wasting my time" Ashley had moved closer to Spencer now so that the conversation was more private.

"Yea it must've really sucked running away to...I don't even really know where you went Ashley. I rang you, I emailed you. I tried everything but you didn't love me enough to tell me where you were and if you were ok"

"I had a lot to deal with and I didn't want to hurt you even more than I did. Spencer I loved you every day after I left and I tried to come back so many times"

"Well this has been fun...I need to get out of here now" Spencer walked off but Ashley followed her. She walked up next to Spencer and grabbed her by her arm pulling her into the back entrance of the house, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom.

"We're not done Spence...just yell at me, tell me how much you hate me or whatever you need to make this ok again" Ashley shouted as she slammed the door.

"I do hate you and I think I've made that quite obvious" Spencer said as she glared at Ashley.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because Carmen told me you had been seen around town with some girl and I wanted to know if it was true"

"If what was true?"

"If you were gay?"

"Jesus Spence you could've just asked me...you know where I live"

"After 3 years of you being gone it's not that simple Ash"

"Yes it is...just ask me" Ashley demanded looking straight into Spencer's eyes.

"Are you gay?"

"Yes" Ashley replied with no hesitation or consideration like the answer was what she had been practicing for years. For some reason unknown to Spencer the confession made her hurt and worst of all it made her want to cry.

"The girl?"

"Definitely not a girlfriend. What about the girl you arrived with?"

"An Ex. How do you know I arrived with somebody?"

"I accidently saw you from my bedroom window. You seemed quite annoyed with each other so I figured there was something there"

"There was for Carmen but not for me...I wasn't over...Demi when I met her" Spencer lied.

"The chick from Gray?"

"Yea we got together after you left. Demi was good for me but it ended before it really started"

"So what happened?" Ashley asked

"I just wasn't ready...I was focusing on getting Aiden back as my friend and then there was you but I was young and stupid then"

"So you didn't really love me?" Ashley asked looking wounded beyond belief which didn't go unnoticed by Spencer who suddenly felt like she should put the girl out of her misery.

"You know I did otherwise I would never have done what I did to Aiden"

"I knew that he would forgive you and I knew that you wouldn't give up on him"

"That still doesn't excuse what you did Ashley"

"I'm not looking to be excused...I don't even know if I want you to forgive me but I know that I miss you and want you back in my life one way or another"

"Who is the girl?" Spencer asked trying to put off any real forgiveness at the moment.

"She's my sister"

"You're an only child" Spencer replied.

"Nope...Daddy Dearest fucked some chick in Baltimore and out popped little sister"

"When did you find out?"

"The day that I first kissed you..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't talk about it with anyone but she's a part of my life now and I love her"

"I'm glad you have some family that you love Ash. Look I think I really am done for tonight..."

"Does that mean that you'll see me again?" Ashley asked hopefully.

"I don't know..."

"No expectations Spence...I just want my friend back...like I said before"

"Like I said before I don't think we can just be friends"

"We can try?"

"I'll see...goodnight Ashley" Spencer replied gently touching Ashley on the shoulder as if it were a completely natural action. Ashley took advantage of Spencer's proximity and hugged her taking in her scent. Spencer tried her hardest not to inhale knowing too well that Ashley Davies always smelt incredible but her airwaves unlocked and she was taken over by the scents of vanilla and cherry. Spencer didn't try to wiggle free from the hug instead she took in the moment and remembered how good it felt to have Ashley this close to her.

Ashley pulled her head away so that the two girls were looking directly at each other but with only inches between them. The second their eyes locked Spencer saw the golden flecks that got her into so much trouble 3 years ago. Snapping out of the trance she was in Spencer walked away without saying another word hoping that she wouldn't need to see Ashley again but knowing deep down that she would have to.


End file.
